Painting Sky and Earth

While tonights run was far from my best, the view was remarkable. All I could think of was how it looked like a painting. We see beautiful sunsets all the time, but the colors we see amazes us each and every time. The worst part is that we try to capture these moments with our cameras and our phones, but it never turns out the same. We never have the same feeling looking at the picture as we did when we saw it in person.

I look at these pictures and it's such a sad representation of how I felt when I saw it for the first time. My chest felt tight and I felt so small. But I felt free. I was able to lose myself within seconds. It was like I was a part of it. The sky. The water. The colors. The sun. And the shadows.

Sometimes I feel like I can't handle my own emotions and my own thoughts. I feel conflicted. Free. Peace. War. Scared. Brave. Everything. I feel everything. I feel both love and hate. Overwhelmingly so, and running forces me to face them, dwell, and relive every thought and emotion I have ever experienced.

Forgive and forget. Long ago I learned I am capable of forgiving, but that I can never forget. I remember everything. I remember every thought, every choice, every action I have taken or someone has done to me. It is both exhausting and awakening.

The hardest part about running isn't the physical part of it. It isn't the aching of my knees or screaming lungs or the physical exhaustion at the end. It's the mental solitude. You are both trapped and free within your own mind.