Little by Little

Slowly trying to get back into it. I've been having a lot of anxiety lately- or at least it's been a lot more apparent, and I need to figure out what I can do that helps either get rid of it or lessen it a bit. I've been thinking a lot lately (I'm sure that doesn't help either) and I haven't always had this much anxiety. I don't think I had this issue when I was exercising regularly, so hopefully getting back into it will help.

The workout for today:

35 min. indoor cycling

3 x 15 body squats
3 x 25 crunches

3 x 15 Side Lunges
3 x 50 flutter kicks

3 x 15 bridge
3 x 50 scissor kicks

3 x 50 side bends
3 x 20 sit n' reach

3 x 15 band bicep curls
3 x 20 Kick backs

3 x 15 band shoulder press

Stretch! Stretch! Stretch!

AM 15 minute dog walk

PM 30 minutes
3 x 25 Standing Kick Backs

3 x 25 Standing Side Leg Raises
3 x 25 Body Squats

3 x 25 Crunches
3 x 50 Flutter Kicks

3 x 50 floor side bends
3 x 10 side lunges (10 each side)
3 x 10 Floor narrow push ups

1.89 Mile Dog Walk

20 minutes stretching

Aside from not doing much of any physical activity for the last couple weeks, stretching (or lack thereof) has definitely been a big issue for me. I went for a 3 mile run yesterday followed by a 1 mile walk, and when I got home I wanted to do some light calisthenics/plyometrics. I started with some jump squats super set with body weight side lunges. In the middle of my 2nd set of squats I started getting really painful muscle cramps in my legs. Enough that I had to stop and could barely extend my legs. When I tried to walk up the two steps in the garage into the house it felt like they locked. I had to pause in the middle of the step because it was a jolt of electricity shooting up and down the back of my thigh. I've never felt that before.

Today I did a light walk and some basic exercises, and then the 20 minutes of stretching. I'm starting to train my body to get used to waking up at 5am and then going to bed by 9-930pm. I'm more productive in the morning so I'm thinking by waking up about 15-30 minutes earlier I can get more of the basic chores done, walk Haley with Cedric for an easy 15 minutes of fasted cardio, and then hopefully 20 minutes of stretching. I'll also have the 20-30 minutes of stretching in the evening as well.

My diet has been on point for three days and I'm really focused on my goals and what I'm trying to accomplish. I want to do a vintage pinup inspired photo shoot for Cedric as a wedding gift in July/August, and then the wedding is mid-September. For the photo shoot I'd like to be down to 15-16% body fat. Lower if possible, but I know that goal is reasonable and attainable without completely disregarding all things enjoyable about food and going out with friends/family.

Synergia Effect Half a Million Mile Pledge

You guys HAVE to check this out and learn more. As a part of Synergia Effect, we are pledging to collectively run, walk, or bike ride a total of HALF A MILLION MILES! Between January 1 and December 31, 2015 we will be reaching out to businesses and individuals to help us raise funds for our organization, and for every $1 we raise, we will be donating 20% to an organization or individual in medical or financial need. We will be starting with the Children's Hospitals in Oakland, Los Angeles, and San Diego.

To learn more about the pledge you can visit the Synergia Blog, or the Website. More information to come. To learn more from us directly you can contact me at breanna@synergiaeffect.org. #ChangeTheWorld #OneMileAtATime

INFJ Personality Test

I don't really know how to put together a creative lead-in to this, so I'll get right to the point. A friend posted something on Facebook about a personal type so I googled 'personality types' and took a test. I understand that there could be a lot of room for error, but I ended up with INJF.

All of the descriptions I'm finding from all of these difference websites say the same thing, and while it's somewhat freeing to feel like there's an explanation or 'justification' for how a feel 99% of the time, it gives me slight anxiety as well. A part of me has always thought that I'll never be truly understood... by anyone. When I hear myself say that it makes me sad, but I don't know that I could (or would) ever change that. I think that's why I'm so obsessed with the lyric "We can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness."

I've included a few links below. It opens us up to understanding what rages inside of us, but at the same time it feeds into that thought and feeling that we'll never completely fit in or be understood. Do we have to be either one? Not necessarily, but it can get lonely and stressful, and it's always... internalized because there's that feeling that no one understands. How can I say that? Because I have tried.

http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html

http://www.truity.com/personality-type/infj

Painting Sky and Earth

While tonights run was far from my best, the view was remarkable. All I could think of was how it looked like a painting. We see beautiful sunsets all the time, but the colors we see amazes us each and every time. The worst part is that we try to capture these moments with our cameras and our phones, but it never turns out the same. We never have the same feeling looking at the picture as we did when we saw it in person.

I look at these pictures and it's such a sad representation of how I felt when I saw it for the first time. My chest felt tight and I felt so small. But I felt free. I was able to lose myself within seconds. It was like I was a part of it. The sky. The water. The colors. The sun. And the shadows.

Sometimes I feel like I can't handle my own emotions and my own thoughts. I feel conflicted. Free. Peace. War. Scared. Brave. Everything. I feel everything. I feel both love and hate. Overwhelmingly so, and running forces me to face them, dwell, and relive every thought and emotion I have ever experienced.

Forgive and forget. Long ago I learned I am capable of forgiving, but that I can never forget. I remember everything. I remember every thought, every choice, every action I have taken or someone has done to me. It is both exhausting and awakening.

The hardest part about running isn't the physical part of it. It isn't the aching of my knees or screaming lungs or the physical exhaustion at the end. It's the mental solitude. You are both trapped and free within your own mind.

Of Course you're tired. Changing the world is an exhausting business.

The inconsistency of writing a blog has kicked in. This is what always happens. I start out strong, writing something every day, and then it starts turning into once a week and then every now and then. Each time I vow that I'll start being consistent and stay on top of things... so this time I'm not going to say that. All I can say is that I will do my best.

Life has been incredibly busy though I feel like I've been sleeping more than I usually do. It's a very strange feeling. Yesterday I didn't get up until 7am, and then today at 6am. Maybe my body is trying to catch up with the physical and mental exertion? Sometimes I feel more tired when I've mentally pushed myself than if I've been doing something physical.

Training has been off and on. I'm still getting in runs but it hasn't been consistent or planned. I can easily do 5-6 miles at a 9-10 min/mile pace. I need to get up to 9-11 miles at that pace. The struggle comes in that I want to be at work early, which means the sun typically isn't up when I would need to go for a run (and I don't like my neighborhood in the dark), but then when I leave work early all I want to do is go home, grab a snack, and relax... excuses EXCUSES.

As corny as it sounds everything that I'm trying to do is definitely a marathon, and not a sprint. None of it are things that can be done in a day or a week or even a month. My job with Goodwill is everyday for (hopefully) a long time. Synergia is a lifetime endeavor that needs to constantly be worked and kneaded. The wedding is a year long project that can only happen at a certain pace based on a specific end date. And then there's training for races, trying to build a design portfolio, volunteering with Relay for Life of San Ramon... it's exhausting just thinking about it all.

When you're trying to do it all and make a difference in not only our life, but other people's lives as well, it's tough. Sometimes I feel like I'm on this constant roller coaster with twists, turns, hills, valleys and then a combination of all of them. But that's life. I have to constantly remind myself why I'm doing all of this: I want to make a difference. I want to be remembered as someone that cared... no, loved. I want to be remembered as someone that loved with all that she has and can be.

I have an image on the cover of my Facebook page that I constantly look at, and it reminds me to keep going. It reminds me that what I'm trying to do isn't easy and it's going to be exhausting, but I have to keep going and persevere because that is the only way to succeed.

I'm engaged!

Arrrggghhh! All frustrations aside with someone not a part of my relationship being the only reason we're changing everything, I'm so happy. We have been together for over 6 years and have had several ups and downs. Next to losing my father, I've never felt so happy and so sad. We are very different people, but he compliments me well, he loves me more than I could ever imagine, and is always making me laugh.

Enough of the mushy stuff... I'd be lying if I said I wasn't stressing with everything that has now been added. It provides some real motivation to work out consistently though. I've been perfect on my diet and decent on my workouts since then. My goal is 2 lbs a week, and 25-30lbs before the wedding. Check out some of the photos below.

 From my first real day back lifting several days ago and my back and traps are still rocks.

















These were leftovers from my work's gala, but it's all healthy stuff that is perfect for snacking.

From my 5-mile run yesterday. It was beautiful and I loved it, but I felt like I wanted to die. Have to pick it up though because I'm still planning on pacing my friend for a 9-11 mile stretch in December.

From tonights workout. Started by being powered by motivation and ended in pure frustration and being emotionally drained because of the wedding planning nonsense. If I lived in a better, safer neighborhood I would have gone for a run.

What's the rope? I don't have a gym membership anymore so I have to work with a few plates and an Olympic bar. I wanted to do some bbell rows that would work the center of my back so I used the rope to wrap under the bar and pull the bar up towards my groin, enabling me to squeeze my rhomboids and my lats. Very effective, and I didn't have to spend any money on some fancy accessory.


Tomorrow is my long work day so I'm going to go for a run and do some abs, toning work in the morning before heading in.